I have been married to my wife for about 3 years and dated for 2 before that. The other night we had a fight. She admitted that I am just the kind of person that women settle with. I am someone that checks all the boxes, but not someone that women desire or lust after. I am too kind, gentle, and not man enough to really command desire.

This would not usually bother me because I am mature enough to realize that people say things they do not mean in the heat of an argument. It did get me thinking back on every relationship I ever had and she is right. I am exceptionally outgoing, social, funny. I have a lot more girls as friends then men. None of them, though, throughout my whole life, ever pushed anything sexual. I am not unattractive, have a normal weight and height, a job that involves caring for others, stable life and background. Yet, there is something about me that seems to lack desirability. I have never had a woman look at me with that feral look of true desire. At best, I get the same look that women give when they see a cute dog.

I love my wife. She loves me. No one is cheating. I am not worried about marriage. I am looking for more help on myself and how I can shake this intense doubt that she has now put into my head about who I am. She just finally said what has always been there. Backup. Husband material. Not someone you want to tear your clothes off for.

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