It is hard to write anonymously at first. At a young age, I usually wrote to answer things, or to “do my homework”. Later, I wrote to impress people, to show off myself. By writing, I felt different. Now, at this middle point of my life, I am mostly tired of all the differences, to the point that I just want to keep silent. I do not wanna to talk or write, and the social connection that I need is someone who agrees to keep silence with me, to share the solitude together. But it is hard, you know. To make a living, to be a breadwinner, to take care of others (both those I really care about and those for whom I am just responsible), all requires communication. A lot of talking and writing. And I am so tired of keeping it going.
You might say that I can talk to my close ones. I have talked many times. All the words I need to say have already been said. Those who understand, understand already. Those who do not understand, will never be. Words are expired. I value someone so much that I do not want to burden them with my words. And they are tired too. They also suffer. They are just trapped in the same cycle as me, with no hope of escape. When we were young, we could dream, we could make changes, and we always had tomorrow to look forward to. But now, no one can dream, and tomorrow is just the same. Adults do not dream. They drink and suffer.
Finally, I understand this site. It is not about draft; it is the graveyard of writing.