I’m mid 30’s. Took the high road through youth and rarely/never did anything crazy. Married young and didn’t get my impulses out of my system. 7 years and 2 kids later were happily married and I have a great partner in life.

Early on I struggled with my boringness. I wanted to party and sleep around but refrained. Wife did a lot of that so that added an element of resentment and jealousy. I wanted what she had.

I thought I could overcome this negativity with success and have achieved far more than I ever imagined. We started with nothing and now I’m making much money doing my dream job. Bought the home, got the cars, traveled, already set up for early retirement, have two amazing kids, etc. I’m incredibly blessed but none of my accomplishments have erased the core negative feelings I’ve had since the beginning when I was a clueless 18 year old with no direction.

I’ve concluded that before settling down it’s better to pursue your impulsive desires than pursuing your dreams. At this point it’s too late for me to do it over again and that has me depressed. I want to know if other men ever moved on from wishing they did things differently regardless of how successful they became? Or maybe more generally, with all the deep problems we often hide behind our masks, does anybody actually ever truly leave them behind? Or is it always part of who we are?

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